I wanted you to have this letter as a reminder of how much I loved you before I even knew you, and as a reminder of how much you were wanted. Today I’m 39 weeks + 1 day pregnant. I’m not able to freeze time, so I’ll do the next best thing and share my thoughts about the days before your arrival. Here’s what I want you to know…
First, I am so excited to be your mom. I remember dreaming about you when I was a little girl. In fact, I often closed my eyes to imagine what you would look like, sound like and if we’d be best friends. What I didn’t know back then was how long it would take to have you. I guess I just always assumed I’d be a young mom in her 20s, with the energy to keep up with you but that wasn’t God’s plan.
Your dad and I only met in our late 20s and married five years later. It took some time for him to “put a ring on it.” (Don’t worry about that reference. You’ll have lots of time to learn about my love of Beyonce.) We knew we wanted children but were shocked to find out we were starting a family so soon after our wedding. SUPRISE!!! It didn’t take long for us to fall in love with the sound of that little heartbeat. It wasn’t yours though. That heartbeat belonged to the baby before you. Yes, our road to parenthood did not start with you, but it sure taught us a lot. That heartbeat had to beat to make YOU our special rainbow baby (the beautiful thing that happens after a storm.) It’s a moment of loss that cut so deep, yet made us realize just how much love we had to give and it’s a moment that taught us how much of a gift you truly are.
YOU sweet Aria were VERY wanted. It was a long road to get you but there was nothing stopping us, even all the acupuncture, medication, needles, doctor visits and yucky tasting herbal teas. Everything was worth it, even the fear I’ve felt the last 9+ months about losing you. The moment I’m in right now as I write this is pure bliss, an abundance of love like I’ve never felt before and the most magical connection to someone that I’ve never even met.
I’m not the only person counting down to your arrival. There aren’t words to express the excitement your Grandparents (all four of them) are feeling at this very moment. You see, you are their first grandchild. Am I in trouble, or what? Oh boy, they can’t stop talking about you, texting and calling to see if it’s time. It warms my heart to know how loved you are by so many.
What about your Daddy? You are one lucky girl to have him, that’s for sure. I have never doubted his ability to make a fantastic father. He’s going to be a natural. I just know it!!! For the past eight years, I have watched him light up any room he has ever walked into and given effortlessly to family, friends and complete strangers. He’s a real gentleman and simply put, has THE world’s biggest heart. He has so much he’s ready to teach you, so there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you two will be the best of friends and you will be the girl who ultimately melts his heart with just one look.
Rest up, Aria! The world is bright, beautiful, loud and a little scary at times but I’ll be here to hold your hand. I know, I know, there will come a day that I’ll have to let that tiny hand go but my wish is that you tackle any challenge head-on, with confidence and strength. That you love deeply, give effortlessly, and reach your goals with perseverance and hard work. Create a life that gives YOU happiness. Nothing would make me prouder.
I’m going to take the next few days embracing the moments of just you and I. I’m not as scared as I thought I’d be, I’m just eager to be the mom you so deserve. Here’s something you need to know. I may not get it right at first, but I promise to try my very best and I promise to love you without conditions until my last breath on earth.
We’ll soon be meeting face-to-face. Are you ready? I can’t wait, baby girl.